... On the issues of FRIENDS... :-)

Old friends, new friends and good friends, bad friends


I was having a chat with a new friend this morning and I am yet to physically meet her, but we do talk on the phone frequently and I am at ease to call her a friend. I choose my friends carefully, so when people ask me if someone is my friend, more often than not, I say I know them, or we have met a few times or they talk to me often but we are not really friends, in other words, that person is an acquaintance.

I do this because it’s not everyone that I have spoken to or met via facebook or even at work that I can truly call a friend. Guess some people would wonder now if they are my friend, well, I must confess, I have very very few friends and even fewer close friends.

Why all this talk about friends, its because a friend, a true friend completely amazed me and confirmed the interesting assumption that “old friends are more dependable than new ones”.

This fantastic friend whom I have not seen for more than 20years attended same secondary school with me (Federal Government College, Kano) and we only reconnected via facebook recently. He is a medical doctor and practices back home in Nigeria. It was great to hook up with an old friend, and over 20 years seemed like only yesterday as we chatted, exchanged emails and when he was in London recently for a series of meetings, we did find time to have lunch in the west end.

I mentioned to him the state of my aging Mum’s health and he told me not to worry that he will “try” and check her out. Well, I did not want to put pressure or make requests so left it as “he may not do anything” so that if he does not act at all, it will not be a big issue. But I was surprised when he sent a text to ask for my Mum’s number.

He called my Mum, went to see her, checked her out, diagnosed and prescribed medication she needed. He sent his driver to deliver the medication the very next morning. My mum was full of praises for my friend and had been praying for him every day as mothers do.

I called to thank my friend and ask how much the medication cost so I can arrange payment and he gave me a good ticking off saying that I should not insult him. “What are friends for and would you not do the same for me if you were in this situation?” he asked. I knew I would do the same, but the “prim & proper English gentleman” side of me did not want to take advantage of friendship or make assumption that an offer is free until it is explicitly declared free.

This experience left me with a deep sense of gratitude and confirmed my vision of what a good friend really is, one does not find many people called friends that would stand in the gap for one. My friend acted more like a brother, he chose to not take any gratification beyond an expression of appreciation, showing the type of kindness that is becoming rare these days.

While discussing this experience with my new friend, we went into analysis of the kind of friends that one make now in London and how Nigerians have come to realise that London is a “leveller” and Nigeria is a “sorter”. Those who will read this and are Nigerians will surely have heard these terms before.

London is a leveller because everyone live in flats, 2-3 bedroom houses, detached, semi-detached or end of terrace and so on. You do not need to have education or earn megabucks to own a landrover freelander or BMW, a good or even not so good credit rating sets you up to ride a new car. Most of us, including even the Mayor of London use the London Underground or Buses and some even ride bicycles, and this is inspite of each person’s financial, political or social background.

Back home in Nigeria, there are people you know would not associate with you because of your position, education, social and financial background and other stuffs like that. It’s not because you are stuffy snub, but simply because the places you go to and the people you interact with are just not in the same league with them. In essence, your friends will be “birds of the same feather”.

That paints a vivid picture of where some of us come from (Nigeria), but the story here is not about Nigeria, London or leveller/sorter, it’s about who we call friends. Everybody on facebook is a celebrity of some kind because they put on nice outfit, take pictures at nice restaurants, clubs and places, look nice with very nice profiles on facebook and so on... but the truth is you can not be sure what kind of creature some of them are... 

A lot of so-called friends we make on facebook live in the world of make-believe, they are as unreal as the virtual world they created for themselves. I hear stories of heartbreaks, complicated relationships, people changing status from single to married and in less than a month moving on to complicated. It is nothing short of mind-boggling. Yet a lot of these folks claim to be someone’s friend.

When you have a friend with incredible amount of inconsistencies in their lives, do you not wonder what kind of person they are? I have been able to connect with a few people on facebook, and when some tell me stories based on their experiences or what they have heard, I feel like doing what our parents used to do to a child considered stupid... Give them a hard knock on the head so that their tiny brain will be shaken up inside that hollow skull and as their eyes water with the pain inflicted, it will wash away the thin film of rubbish blinding them to reality. Arrgggghhhh...

I do pride myself in being able to connect with people at all levels of social, economic and educational ladder. Its part of what makes me successful in my line of business because if I fail to relate well with certain calibre of people, my projects could easily experience failure.

The only issue is, relating and connecting with everyone does not really make everyone your friend, doe it? I will be keen to hear more stories about new friends, especially those made online.

The mantra from my fantastic friend, who is also a motivational speaker is usually “what did you learn from the experience and what would you do differently” if you end up in the same situation again?

Can’t wait to know what the people think, say or feel...

Central Line Embarrassed me this morning... :-(

I was faced… literally faced with an embarrassing situation this morning and if I was Caucasian, I will have been so red in the face that the heat generated will be enough to light a cigarette. This is not funny but then it may sound like it is.


I boarded the Central Line Train from Stratford this morning and it was jam-packed. I happened to be in a hurry to get to the office because its my last day at work, starting new project next week, and wanted to ensure all gets done.

We got squashed in and shoved a bit more as more people crammed into the coach I was on at Stratford, then unfortunately for me a very smartly dressed, tall and slim lady standing face-to-face with me decided it was too crowded and shoved her way through to exit the train. The implication was that a couple of people that were probably claustrophobic decided to step out too.

Now to the embarrassing situation I faced, the lady that I have not noticed at all, just beside me happened to be on the large size side and moved a little to occupy the space the smartly dressed mixed-race lady left, when she stepped out.

Because two or three people stepped out, other folks in a hurry decided they will find a way to fit into the incredibly crammed space, and its difficult to blame them, when its rush hour in London.

Bang, they pushed and shoved and the large lady, obviously top-heavy as some people would say squashed me full frontal and gave a wry embarrassing smile and murmured “sorry…”. The word sorry that I was going to utter got choked in my throat as I looked around to find myself virtually sandwiched between two big ladies and on the side is another obviously well endowed lady on the lower side and she is not that tall..

Now picture this, in front of me is a woman that does not seem to be able to move or even breath without me feeling the movement of her big bust on my chest and just behind is a similar situation, though not as bad, because she maneuvered her way to ensure she created a little space so every little jostling or movement of the train means my arms get rammed by something cushy that I refused to think about.

All I could do was start praying and telling my spirit that this is the work of the devil. The thought of Joseph being seduced by Pharaoh’s wife played in my head like a film and Joseph’s reaction as stated by the bible was to run so quickly that his robe got left behind in Pharaoh’s wife’s hand.

But then I am not in Egypt, this is not Pharaoh’s palace so there is no way I can run out of a moving train that is packed like sardine tin. I thought about speaking in tongues under my breath so that the thought of what is facing me and rubbing my back will not overwhelm me.

Oh Central Line, why did you put me in this embarrassing situation, I thought. It got worse as there was a delay so the train stopped before it got to the next station. Then a little stop-start movement that got everyone falling on one another almost literally. This is so not funny as the busty big lady in front of me must have been thinking of the weather man’s words that it’s a warm day, so she had opted to show a bit more cleavage than usual and ensure my neck needed to be strained.
What do you do when confronted with a sight like that because the only place I could look was the ceiling so it does not seem like I am staring at something I should not and was not..

I remembered the Fulham v Juventus story in the Metro and thought I should use that as decoy by burying my head in the newspaper, but movement of my hand seem to rub the back side of the other big lady and I could feel a sweat of embarrassment break on my forehead. I realized I can not extricate my hand or the Metro, and the lady looked me in the face, I muttered an inaudible sorry and she was no doubt and eastender, saying “aye, that’s ok, we’re stuck in here together…”

Fortunately, the train regained “full consciousness” and the driver announced the train that was stuck at the next station has moved, so we are now able to go on. He apologized for the delay and I felt like screaming “move the hell on and forget the apologies… I will be complaining about this embarrassment no doubt…”

Fortunately quite a few people disembarked at Liverpool Street, giving me some breathing space and as soon as I discovered a seating space, I ran for it, removed my blazer as I could feel the heat under my collar.

When I eventually got to Bond Street station which is nearest to my office, I spoke with one of the station managers, complaining about my embarrassment and asking for a complaint form. He gave me the form and in a very dry humor style, he said he wished he had been in my situation, he would surely not be complaining. I felt like giving him a knock on his bald head so his pervert brain will get into proper shape.

I will be asking for compensation from Central Line (London Underground) because now I am scared of being in small enclosure with too many people, especially if some of them are big ladies…. Its not funny… :-(

Conversation with Donald Duke – The initiator of TINAPA

I got an email recently inviting me to an interactive session and dinner with the erstwhile Governor of Cross River State of Nigeria.  I had a quick look to be sure someone is not playing trick and definitely not a hoax.  I am aware of the various scams ongoing amongst our “yahoo yahoo” brothers as they are called.

In fact, a few colleagues had an accident on a business trip to Nigeria recently and we started making quick arrangement to sort out their flight to get them back to London so they can receive better medical attention.  Well, two of them are based here in London, so its just a change of flight details required, but one of them, an Architect, is based in Nigeria and needed a Visa to come here for treatment as he sustained broken limb in the accident.

I called the London Orthopaedic Clinic to state our line of business and the fact that we need a letter to get the gentleman a visa as he is coming for private medical treatment.  Our company is anxious about his well-being and happy to pay whatever it will cost to ensure he gets the best medical attention money can buy.

Well… well… well… a little shock, but not completely surprising, the London Orthopaedic Clinic staff told me that she has been asked not to write any letter for anyone coming for treatment from Nigeria.  The immigration has caught on to a substantial scam and now warned them not to respond to such request.

“Flabber-whelmed and over-ghasted”??? an understatement of sorts I must say, but no, its just so very sad as the action of a few has now been used to judge millions and deprive the majority of something that should normally be straightforward and automatic when you have the money to pay.

Anyway, back to the subject matter, or as my nephews in the Nigeria will say, “back to the koko of the matter” J.  I had a good look at the invitation and contacted the organizers of the “Interactive Session and Dinner with Donald Duke” and I was told its not a scam and I am invited to meet the man himself.

Well, I had an afternoon tea Donald Duke yesterday and we talked about Nigeria, why he is setting up an Interactive Session, what his thoughts are about the station of the nation (Nigeria), where the solution could come from and what he is happy to contribute to the resolution of the problems in Nigeria.

It was meant to be a quick half an hour conversation, but it turned out to be over an hour, plus plus as one of my former Project Support staff will say when meetings over-run.

Donald Duke confessed to being embarrassed by the actions of his political party the PDP, in not clearly supporting the Acting President, but instead stating a claim to affirm the fact that the PDP zoning of Presidency to the North remains consistent and more important to steering the ship of state away from the current doldrum.

My understanding of this situation is that PDP is more interested in seeing to it that Mr Yar’adua, now incapacitated –though would not admit it, may fail to complete this term or even aspire to contest next election, the party will have no concern about the state of the nation and their only concern is which zone of the country provides the next president.

Donald Duke made bold to say that his primary interest now is to see how many Nigerians will stop the typical “just talk attitude” and put their energy, talent and effort into ushering in a change to the Nigerian polity.

All of what he shared with me are incontrovertible facts and truly compelling and I was nodding my head with a smile on my face because its not often you get someone who has been in a leadership position speak straight and talk logical common sense.  Donald Duke was not talking politics at all and at the end of it, I wished I had recorded our conversation because to me it felt like I just had an award-winning and compelling television interview that was not recorded on tape… J

So, where am I going with all this, I am hoping the leaders of thought, opinions and businesses from the Nigerian community in London will be at the Dinner and Interactive Session tonight with Donald Duke.  Let us, in style of Donald Duke rub minds, exchange ideas and come to an agreement or disagreement on the need to begin creating a groundswell for change in the country we all claim to love.

Anyway, its just a few hours away, Dinner will be served at 7.15 tonight and afterwards, it will be time to discuss the state of the nation, the problems and proffer solutions that we can all commit to.

Nuff said… J