Please don't tell kids nothing...

I often joke about the fact that on the inside, I am a Peter Pan, I never grew beyond 6-8years old, but in reality, I am over 21... tee hee hee... not letting the cat out of the bag yet.

I have come to the realisation that age is nothing but a number and it really doesn’t matter that much, except to people who are insecure enough to feel you owe them something because, by accident of nature, they happen to be born before you...

OK, I have digressed from the outset, so I had better get on to the straight and narrow, eyes on the ball now, focus on the subject matter without deviation.

I took my kids to school the other day and I remember meeting one of the mums at one of the school events.  We got into conversation about people not acting their age and how boys will always be boys and stuffs like that.  This lady lectured me on how important it is to be matured and sensible and why girls will find it difficult to cope with boys their age or younger.

As the conversation drifted, I asked her if she has ever dated someone younger or her age, she said she had not and that, they are usually too childish to cope with her level of maturity.  I took a deep breath and smiled.  She is Nigerian and the husband/partner is not.

I could be rather mischievous at times and this was one of those days that I wanted to play out my little mischievous boyish nuances.  I asked her when her birthday would be and she showed that she is truly Nigerian by answering a question with a question... tee hee hee... “why did you ask?” was her response.

I told her I was just curious, but she should not bother, so I excused myself, walked away for a few seconds, then started playing with her son.  I did a little “rough play” of push, pull, then carry and run.  He got into a state as boys do and wanted more, so I stopped and said I will not continue unless he told me when is mummy’s birthday.

I thought, that was “wicked” as she gave an evil grin to the boy, and said “don’t you dare”.  Well, boys will always be boys and kids don’t have the same matured attitude of holding back information when you ask them something they know...tee hee hee...

He spilled the bin, let the cat out of the bag, “mummy’s birthday is October 2nd and she will be 43”, I carried him and ran away, laughing all the way... and when we came back, he reminded mummy that she is 4 years older than daddy and that when they argue she often tell daddy she is not his mate and that he is too childish.

Now that is below the belt, that was not information meant for my ears and that little boy should not have said that in public.  I did not know how to respond to that.  If I carried him and ran again, that will be a terrible mistake and completely unacceptable even for a man who is just about 8years old on the inside and just a little over 21 years of age... tee hee hee... its not funny actually...

I could not look at this lady for a few seconds, because I dreaded her reaction and wondered how she will respond to that one.  She kept her cool, put on a brave face, gave another evil grin to this little boy, snapped her finger, telling him “when we get home, we will have this conversation again!!!”   I felt sorry for my little friend, because, I guessed he will surely not get away with that answer to a question never asked.

I remember one of my kids asking me how old I was and my spontaneous response was that I was as old as I felt that morning.  I tickled her to submission, refused to stop until she stopped asking the question.  Then I told her I feel like a 6 year old boy. “Come on Daddy” was all she could say after making her laugh so much from the tickling.

I have learnt a long time ago that whatever you do not want your child to do or say in public, do not do or say it even in the most private area of your house when the child is nearby.  If you insult your husband, wife or spouse at home, your kid will tell the world at one of the most embarrassing moments and usually unexpected time.

I witnessed an incident this morning that inspired this blog.  It was amusing, though not very funny, as a lady had two kids to take to school.  I was coming behind her when the station staff said she cannot go in unless she pays for a ticket for her son that is about 9 years old.  I jumped in to support her protest and told the guy, that no one is aware that you should pay for travelcard for a 9 year old.

This guy insisted that was what the letter of the law said and the lady will need to make the payment to get a chance of taking the next train.  She was not a happy bunny as she fished for some coins in her purse.  She brought out a note, about to pay and guess what, the younger sister told the cashier, without being asked or prompted, “I am 6 years old, would mummy need to pay for me too”.  The guy smiled and said, “yes, now that I know, she will surely have to buy a ticket for you too my dear”.

If looks could kill, that sweet and innocent girl, would have died instantly.  I wanted to roar with laughter, but could not, as I wonder, why on earth did she say that.  I got hot under the collar as I no longer found it funny and was just bewildered why kids would not keep quiet at the appropriate time.  Instead, they seem to exercise the right to speak even when no one had asked them any question.

I thought about my own growing up years and what would have been the result of that from my or other parents.  I knew instantly that it would have resulted in slaps and pinch and knock on the head to warn you not to open your mouth when you are not being spoken to or  asked question.

It takes a man or woman of a certain generation and cultural background to remember those knocks on the head that can be so painful and evil to the point where your eyes will start dripping with involuntary water from the after effect of that knock... Oh my gosh, tears will well up and in one blinking moment, it will drop like torrents of rain... tee hee hee... its actually not funny at all... that will be described as child abuse these days...

Now I have come full circle and my thought is that kids these days need to learn to “shush” as its considered rude these days to tell children to “shut up”.  If you don’t want to train your child in this permissive side of the world to go around telling people to “shut up”, then you will chose not to use those words.

Swearing and cursing is an absolute no, no... Any parent with some integrity, class and self-respect will definitely be embarrassed to hear their child say rude things to other kids in public.  I don’t know a lot of people that will be smiling when their 7 or 8 or 9year old, in public glare, speak out loud and say “look at that stupid man he is going to bump into some with the way he is walking”.  But guess what, parents call other drivers “stupid”, “idiot”, b**ch and other such rude words when driving with kids in the car.

If you don’t want your child to broadcast in public that your spouse is a lazy man that is no good, or that your woman is stupid woman, then do not ever say thing like that in their vicinity or hearing distance.

One must acknowledge that there are situations where one can not win with kids.  What do you say to the kids that tell the ticket cashier “I am 6 years old, will mummy need to pay for me too?”  Do you tell that child never to speak the truth or never to let people know her real age?

I love kids, they are so refreshing and sweet and innocent and so sincere in the way they communicate, they never seem capable of pulling punches.  As a parting short, I was in a cab with my daughter the other day, she had just finished Judo class and she sat in the back, while I was in the front seat.

She asked me a simple and innocent question, “Daddy what will happen to anyone that eat a lot of junk food and never ever find time to exercise?”

I nearly died, because the cab driver happened to be an Asian guy that is not just obviously overweight, he must be clinically obese, he also had leftover of his KFC snacks beside him.  How would you respond... lol....

PS. She told me later at home that the Judo Instructor told them to eat just a little junk food and exercise a lot.  She wanted to know what I think because I jog regularly and I often tell them I don't like junk food, so MacDonalds is a treat, not a regular meal.... lol...

Breast feeding on Central Line

I was on Central Line today on my way back home from church. I saw a cute little boy, chubby cheeks without being fat, angelic blues eyes with a good head of blonde hair, and I reckon he should be about 2 years old.


This little cherub has one heart-melting smile that will make you just want to hug and cuddle him. I could not stop smiling as this cute little thing gave me a big smile that made the entire coach glow with warmth. I looked around me and I could sense a warm feeling as everyone seemed to be smiling just because of this sweet charmer.

Well, the mum had him on her lap and she smiled too. She is obviously beautiful, seemingly curvy and shapely, wearing a nice dress, low cut showing some cleavage and the summation is that this beautiful and well dressed woman has a cute son on her lap. Listening to a few things she said to the boy in English, I reckon she must be Eastern European.

I sat directly opposite this lady and the son and without much ado, I was going to just bring out my notebook and bible as there were points I was pondering about after service and wanted to check before it all fades away as is usually the case when you don’t write down theological issues you have reason to doubt or check it instantly.

The little boy’s smile evolved into making faces at me and the 6year old boy in me took control and I started making faces at him too. First he giggled, and then he went into full blown hearty laughter that got the attention of everyone on the train. Now I was looking like the silly old man as he continued to laugh at every expression on my face, then I thought, OK, this has to stop now, else I may seem like I am the one enjoying the attention.

Like most boys his age, attention span is short, so without any notice to what he was going to do next, he dipped his hand into his mother’s dress at the top, and right “in my face” brought out her breast, snuggled up and was helping himself to some breast milk.

If I was not a black dude, I would have gone completely red, but guess what, my cheeks became hot and my eyes nearly popped out. The mother seemed completely unperturbed and she even made it easier for him, undid a button and further exposed herself in public glare without as much as making an attempt to cover up a bit.

Suddenly, I was extremely self conscious as this woman is plonked right in front of me and did not seem bothered that she has a big boob fully exposed and she is right in front of me and a sizable number of guys and ladies on the train on a busy Sunday afternoon.
Everyone else seems to have someone to look at or talk to or another direction to face except me. I could not look right or left without being aware that I am making strong effort not to stare. I wanted to show I am not embarrassed for some weird reason, but I was and could not hide it. Gosh this is not good, on a Sunday afternoon, just after church...

I felt like a pervert, because, in my head, I tried to blank it all out, then my mind started playing tricks on me, working out whether she was about 34DD or larger, Oh my gosh, please stop, don’t think, don’t look, don’t close your eyes, because then the image becomes more vivid, what do I do?

If I had gotten up and moved to another seat, I will look like a really bad guy that does not like women breastfeeding kids, seating still was difficult. When I opened my bible, it seems the only word printed was boobs, boobies and breasts because that was the image my head conjured. Oh Father forgive me, for my mortal frailties... (Amen)
OK, I decided to put the bible aside and start writing my thoughts to focus my mind on something. Then my little friend stopped suddenly and said “y’ello” to me as if to mock me, I managed a brave “hi”, the mum smiled, the boy laughed out loud, the whole coach looked again and this woman’s breast was still in public glare and the boy went straight back to it again.
I concluded, there should be a law that prevents this from happening on the train. No woman should be allowed to display herself like this while on the train on a Sunday afternoon, when folks like me are coming back from church. It’s totally out of order and completely unacceptable.
To be serious now, there is no reason for her not to have a shawl or something to cover herself while the son is getting fed. I have nothing against breast feeding, infact, I think its fantastic for a mother to breastfeed rather than offer the kid crisps and chocolates. But on the other hand, I did not think its right to do it the way she has opted to display herself in public.
Come to think about it, at what age should a mother stop breastfeeding anyway. I am not sure, but I would think a child should not be breastfed once they are two years old or they have teeth and can eat solids.
While all this thoughts were going on in my head, the lady patted the little boy on the head, moved him away, cupped the breast in her hand and put it back where it belongs. She smartened up quickly and at Liverpool Street, up and on her way out, she gave me a big smile, said bye, and asked the son, “will you say bye to OUR friend?” That I thought was cheeky, my cute little friend said bye and I gave him a quick hi-five.
The middle aged white guy seating next to me with his girlfriend gave me a look and went “phew” then said “you did not look comfortable there at all”. I gave a wry smile and said, absolutely not, were you? He said even his girlfriend thought that was unnecessary especially as the boy was not a baby as such.
Now the questions that continue to plague my mind include, why would a woman choose to expose herself like that in public, why breastfeed a 2 years old on the train, why make a show of it and seem unconcerned, what level of loneliness or insecurity will make a woman continue to breastfeed a child even when it’s obvious the child is at an age he/she does not need to be breastfed anymore?

I will be asking my female friends what they make of this and will be good to know the thoughts of women about this. In the interim, I may have to write to Central Line Train operators (TfL) to ask if that kind of attitude that embarrasses their customers should be allowed on their trains. It will surely be interesting to hear what Transport for London (TfL) spin-doctors (Customer Services) will say.