I was faced… literally faced with an embarrassing situation this morning and if I was Caucasian, I will have been so red in the face that the heat generated will be enough to light a cigarette. This is not funny but then it may sound like it is.
I boarded the Central Line Train from Stratford this morning and it was jam-packed. I happened to be in a hurry to get to the office because its my last day at work, starting new project next week, and wanted to ensure all gets done.
We got squashed in and shoved a bit more as more people crammed into the coach I was on at Stratford, then unfortunately for me a very smartly dressed, tall and slim lady standing face-to-face with me decided it was too crowded and shoved her way through to exit the train. The implication was that a couple of people that were probably claustrophobic decided to step out too.
Now to the embarrassing situation I faced, the lady that I have not noticed at all, just beside me happened to be on the large size side and moved a little to occupy the space the smartly dressed mixed-race lady left, when she stepped out.
Because two or three people stepped out, other folks in a hurry decided they will find a way to fit into the incredibly crammed space, and its difficult to blame them, when its rush hour in London.
Bang, they pushed and shoved and the large lady, obviously top-heavy as some people would say squashed me full frontal and gave a wry embarrassing smile and murmured “sorry…”. The word sorry that I was going to utter got choked in my throat as I looked around to find myself virtually sandwiched between two big ladies and on the side is another obviously well endowed lady on the lower side and she is not that tall..
Now picture this, in front of me is a woman that does not seem to be able to move or even breath without me feeling the movement of her big bust on my chest and just behind is a similar situation, though not as bad, because she maneuvered her way to ensure she created a little space so every little jostling or movement of the train means my arms get rammed by something cushy that I refused to think about.
All I could do was start praying and telling my spirit that this is the work of the devil. The thought of Joseph being seduced by Pharaoh’s wife played in my head like a film and Joseph’s reaction as stated by the bible was to run so quickly that his robe got left behind in Pharaoh’s wife’s hand.
But then I am not in Egypt, this is not Pharaoh’s palace so there is no way I can run out of a moving train that is packed like sardine tin. I thought about speaking in tongues under my breath so that the thought of what is facing me and rubbing my back will not overwhelm me.
Oh Central Line, why did you put me in this embarrassing situation, I thought. It got worse as there was a delay so the train stopped before it got to the next station. Then a little stop-start movement that got everyone falling on one another almost literally. This is so not funny as the busty big lady in front of me must have been thinking of the weather man’s words that it’s a warm day, so she had opted to show a bit more cleavage than usual and ensure my neck needed to be strained.
What do you do when confronted with a sight like that because the only place I could look was the ceiling so it does not seem like I am staring at something I should not and was not..
I remembered the Fulham v Juventus story in the Metro and thought I should use that as decoy by burying my head in the newspaper, but movement of my hand seem to rub the back side of the other big lady and I could feel a sweat of embarrassment break on my forehead. I realized I can not extricate my hand or the Metro, and the lady looked me in the face, I muttered an inaudible sorry and she was no doubt and eastender, saying “aye, that’s ok, we’re stuck in here together…”
Fortunately, the train regained “full consciousness” and the driver announced the train that was stuck at the next station has moved, so we are now able to go on. He apologized for the delay and I felt like screaming “move the hell on and forget the apologies… I will be complaining about this embarrassment no doubt…”
Fortunately quite a few people disembarked at Liverpool Street, giving me some breathing space and as soon as I discovered a seating space, I ran for it, removed my blazer as I could feel the heat under my collar.
When I eventually got to Bond Street station which is nearest to my office, I spoke with one of the station managers, complaining about my embarrassment and asking for a complaint form. He gave me the form and in a very dry humor style, he said he wished he had been in my situation, he would surely not be complaining. I felt like giving him a knock on his bald head so his pervert brain will get into proper shape.
I will be asking for compensation from Central Line (London Underground) because now I am scared of being in small enclosure with too many people, especially if some of them are big ladies…. Its not funny… :-(
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