Old friends, new friends and good friends, bad friends
I was having a chat with a new friend this morning and I am yet to physically meet her, but we do talk on the phone frequently and I am at ease to call her a friend. I choose my friends carefully, so when people ask me if someone is my friend, more often than not, I say I know them, or we have met a few times or they talk to me often but we are not really friends, in other words, that person is an acquaintance.
I do this because it’s not everyone that I have spoken to or met via facebook or even at work that I can truly call a friend. Guess some people would wonder now if they are my friend, well, I must confess, I have very very few friends and even fewer close friends.
Why all this talk about friends, its because a friend, a true friend completely amazed me and confirmed the interesting assumption that “old friends are more dependable than new ones”.
This fantastic friend whom I have not seen for more than 20years attended same secondary school with me (Federal Government College, Kano) and we only reconnected via facebook recently. He is a medical doctor and practices back home in Nigeria. It was great to hook up with an old friend, and over 20 years seemed like only yesterday as we chatted, exchanged emails and when he was in London recently for a series of meetings, we did find time to have lunch in the west end.
I mentioned to him the state of my aging Mum’s health and he told me not to worry that he will “try” and check her out. Well, I did not want to put pressure or make requests so left it as “he may not do anything” so that if he does not act at all, it will not be a big issue. But I was surprised when he sent a text to ask for my Mum’s number.
He called my Mum, went to see her, checked her out, diagnosed and prescribed medication she needed. He sent his driver to deliver the medication the very next morning. My mum was full of praises for my friend and had been praying for him every day as mothers do.
I called to thank my friend and ask how much the medication cost so I can arrange payment and he gave me a good ticking off saying that I should not insult him. “What are friends for and would you not do the same for me if you were in this situation?” he asked. I knew I would do the same, but the “prim & proper English gentleman” side of me did not want to take advantage of friendship or make assumption that an offer is free until it is explicitly declared free.
This experience left me with a deep sense of gratitude and confirmed my vision of what a good friend really is, one does not find many people called friends that would stand in the gap for one. My friend acted more like a brother, he chose to not take any gratification beyond an expression of appreciation, showing the type of kindness that is becoming rare these days.
While discussing this experience with my new friend, we went into analysis of the kind of friends that one make now in London and how Nigerians have come to realise that London is a “leveller” and Nigeria is a “sorter”. Those who will read this and are Nigerians will surely have heard these terms before.
London is a leveller because everyone live in flats, 2-3 bedroom houses, detached, semi-detached or end of terrace and so on. You do not need to have education or earn megabucks to own a landrover freelander or BMW, a good or even not so good credit rating sets you up to ride a new car. Most of us, including even the Mayor of London use the London Underground or Buses and some even ride bicycles, and this is inspite of each person’s financial, political or social background.
Back home in Nigeria, there are people you know would not associate with you because of your position, education, social and financial background and other stuffs like that. It’s not because you are stuffy snub, but simply because the places you go to and the people you interact with are just not in the same league with them. In essence, your friends will be “birds of the same feather”.
That paints a vivid picture of where some of us come from (Nigeria), but the story here is not about Nigeria, London or leveller/sorter, it’s about who we call friends. Everybody on facebook is a celebrity of some kind because they put on nice outfit, take pictures at nice restaurants, clubs and places, look nice with very nice profiles on facebook and so on... but the truth is you can not be sure what kind of creature some of them are...
A lot of so-called friends we make on facebook live in the world of make-believe, they are as unreal as the virtual world they created for themselves. I hear stories of heartbreaks, complicated relationships, people changing status from single to married and in less than a month moving on to complicated. It is nothing short of mind-boggling. Yet a lot of these folks claim to be someone’s friend.
When you have a friend with incredible amount of inconsistencies in their lives, do you not wonder what kind of person they are? I have been able to connect with a few people on facebook, and when some tell me stories based on their experiences or what they have heard, I feel like doing what our parents used to do to a child considered stupid... Give them a hard knock on the head so that their tiny brain will be shaken up inside that hollow skull and as their eyes water with the pain inflicted, it will wash away the thin film of rubbish blinding them to reality. Arrgggghhhh...
I do pride myself in being able to connect with people at all levels of social, economic and educational ladder. Its part of what makes me successful in my line of business because if I fail to relate well with certain calibre of people, my projects could easily experience failure.
The only issue is, relating and connecting with everyone does not really make everyone your friend, doe it? I will be keen to hear more stories about new friends, especially those made online.
The mantra from my fantastic friend, who is also a motivational speaker is usually “what did you learn from the experience and what would you do differently” if you end up in the same situation again?
Can’t wait to know what the people think, say or feel...
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